The Excuses That Keep Everyone Stuck

There’s this phrase people love to hide behind: “When I ___, then I’ll be happy.”
It sounds harmless — hopeful, even. But when you zoom out, it’s really just an excuse.

I’ve lived surrounded by it.

Ex-husband:
“When I get a permanent position, we can have a baby.”
He gets one.
“When we get a house, we can have a baby.”
We buy one.
“When I finish my degree, we can have a baby.”
I enroll him full-time so I can finish it faster.
“When I lose weight, we can have a baby.”
We both get bariatric surgery.
“When we pay down our debts, we can have a baby.”
We file bankruptcy.
“When we get a bigger house, we can have a baby.”
We sell our house.
Then it’s, “When we rebuild trust, we can have a baby.”

The finish line kept moving — always just out of reach.

Tim:
“When I become a pilot, I’ll be happy.”

Demi:
“When I lose weight, I’ll be confident.”
Loses weight.
“When I transition, I’ll be confident.”

Dave:
“If I join the military, I’ll be happy and successful.”

Every one of them — different stories, same script format.

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The Goalpost Problem

We all have this habit of dangling joy in front of ourselves like a carrot on a stick.
But the truth is, that carrot keeps moving.

And sometimes, it’s not even about the goal. It’s about the delay.

Saying “When I…” gives people permission to avoid accountability right now. It’s a stall tactic disguised as self-improvement.

“When I get a better job, I’ll start showing up.”
“When I’m less stressed, I’ll be a better partner.”
“When I fix myself, I’ll finally deserve love.”

No. You won’t. Because you never actually let yourself arrive.

It’s safer to live in the almost. Because the almost never asks you to prove anything.

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Enough Already

It’s never about the house, the job, the weight, or the degree.
It’s about feeling like you’ll never be enough until the world validates you — or until you run out of excuses.

And when that moment comes? Most people just invent new ones.

That’s the part that stings — watching people chase a version of peace that doesn’t exist.

Because losing weight doesn’t bring peace.
Hitting a milestone doesn’t erase dissatisfaction.
You can change everything about your circumstances and still carry the same unrest inside you.

Peace doesn’t show up when you fix your body. It shows up when you stop treating yourself like a project.

Sometimes you just have to stop performing potential and start existing as if you’re already enough—because you are. 🖤

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For Anyone Still Waiting

If you’re stuck in the “when I…” loop, this is your permission slip to stop.
Your life isn’t a draft version. It’s the real thing.

You don’t have to wait until everything aligns to be content, confident, or present.
You just have to stop letting your excuses sound noble.

Because “when I…” might sound like a plan—but really, it’s just a prettier way of saying “not yet.”

And not yet can quietly turn into never.