šØ The Night Everything Crashed
Ironically, we had just left the ER. I was dealing with the worst period cramps of my lifeāpain so blinding it felt like white noise behind my eyes. They drugged me up, and we were finally headed home.
Thankfully, my mom had the girls. Since she hadnāt gotten to the store yet, she asked if we could swing by Meijer. We did. Dave was hungry, so afterward, we headed toward McDonaldās.
š«ļø Do You Believe in Sixth Sense?
For some reason, Dave jumped on the freeway to get there. I told him I wouldnāt have done thatāI hate turning left off that exit. Itās five lanes wide, people fly through, and it always makes my stomach clench. But it was too late. We were already committed.
It was around 10 p.m.
Dark.
Sleeting.
Visibility: practically none.
Neither of us saw the car coming from the left.
š„ Impact
Next thing I know, Iām slumped sideways, staring at the radio. My ears rang with static. The airbags choked the air from my lungs. I couldnāt breatheānot from injury, but from the powder filling the car. My vision blurred. For a moment, time wasnāt real.
Then came the sharp return of soundāDaveās voice breaking through:
āAre you okay?ā
āI…I donāt know,ā I whispered, voice trembling.
He bolted from the car while I tried to move. I forced the door open, desperate for air. The cold sleet cut my face as I leaned out. His phone was still in the cupholderāits crash detection had already alerted our contacts. I pressed the button that popped up: Call 9-1-1.
My voice was calmāuntil I touched my head.
Wet. Warm. Sticky.
Something raised.
Thatās when the panic hit. I begged the operator to call my mom. I needed to know my girls were okayāeven though they werenāt even with me. Fear doesnāt care about logic.
š§ Chaos and Kindness
Dave came back and started barking details at me to relay to the 9-1-1 operatorāstreet names, directions, logisticsālike I was a dispatcher instead of a shaking woman slumped in a wrecked car. When he finally noticed something was wrong, he looked at my head and shrugged it off.
āJust a gnarly goose egg.ā
Thatās when I lost it.
I was screaming that I hated him. Not politely. Not delicately. I was furious and terrified and bleeding, abandoned in the exact moment I needed him to stay. He says later that an EMT asked if he felt safe at home. Letās be clearāI wasnāt violent. I was scared. And scared women get loud when theyāre not being protected.
A man had stopped to help. Dave could have checked on the others. Dave could have delegated. Dave could have done what first responders are trained to doāprioritize the most injured.
Instead, he left me.
Everyone justifies it.
Heās a first responder.
Yeahābut that doesnāt excuse abandoning your wife when sheās the most wounded one in the wreck.
Anyway, then she showed up.
The EMT who didnāt just treat meāshe anchored me. With her words. With her calm. Iāll never forget her.
š„ The Aftermath
They loaded me into the ambulance. Dave rode along. In the trauma room, the lights were merciless. They cut my clothes, hooked up wires, spoke over me. I remember one orderly sighing, āI canātāIām stuck with her.ā
āHey,ā I muttered, smirking through the fog. āIām not that bad.ā
He laughed. āDidnāt mean it like that.ā
āYouāre tethered to me,ā I said.
Humor keeps the fear at bay.
During the CT scan, they told me to go to my happy place. I pictured my girlsāmy sleepy little anchorsāand cried.
Between the CT scan and the catheter, I called my mom.
I needed reassurance. Comfort. Something solid to hold onto while everything else felt like it was sliding out from under me.
Instead, I got attitude.
Like something completely out of my control had inconvenienced her. Like I was another problem to manage instead of her daughter calling from a trauma room, shaken and scared and trying not to fall apart.
I hung up and cried harder.
Later, they tried a PureWick catheter. It failed. I lay in a puddle of my own humiliation. Eventually, they said nothing was broken. Just bruised. Battered. Shaken.
Morphine. A discharge form. No help offered.
Dave cleaned me up. Dressed me. Took me home.
š Still Standing
Seeing the car the next day was rough. It was totaledācrumpled like a warning from the universe. I climbed inside, looking for my glasses, and found them on the floor. My eyes caught the frozen meal Iād picked up from Meijer and I muttered, āDang it, I was excited to eat that.ā

We hadnāt paid for GAP coverageāthe insurance that covers the difference between what your car is worth and what you still oweābut somehow our payout barely covered the loan. Progressive replaced one of the car seats and my glasses, but not Ellieās carrierāit hadnāt been in the car at the time.
The numbers worked out just enough to move on.
The emotions didnāt.
I still have a scar on my arm from that nightāa thin, silvery reminder that it couldāve ended differently. That my girls might have lost me.
But Iām still here.
Still standing.
Still mothering.
Because Iām a motherā
even when the world crashes into me.

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