💞 Prologue – ‘Cause You’re My Zing

The first official movie date my ex-husband and I ever had was to see Hotel Transylvania at the Eaton Theatre. From that night on, it sort of became our thing. We called each other our “Zing”, quoted the movie constantly, and even made our wedding-reception entrance song “My Zing.”

So when it came time to plan our honeymoon, the choice felt obvious.
If Count Drac could find love in Ha-wi-wi, so could we. 🖤

🏙️ October 21 – Chicago

Day one was all about logistics and luck—mostly the kind that makes you question your life choices halfway through.

I’d spent hours mapping out the cheapest way to reach Hawaii, determined to stretch every dollar of our honeymoon fund. The route I found let us make extra stops for the same price as flying straight to Honolulu. Win-win, right?

My sister and brother-in-law drove us down to Chicago late that evening. By the time we checked into the Quality Inn O’Hare, the sky had gone full “urban horror movie.” The front desk clerk smiled, handed us our keys, and gestured outside.

“You’re in the other building,” he said.

The “other building” looked like something out of American Horror Story. Peeling paint, flickering fluorescent lights, the faint hum of bad decisions. We stepped into the hallway and immediately heard the buzz of one of those dying bulbs—the kind that flashes just long enough to make you see shadows move.

Luckily, we didn’t have to go far for dinner. Bella Sera, tucked right inside the hotel, offered the kind of no-fuss comfort food that hits when you’re running on fumes—spaghetti, breadsticks, and a side of anticipation.

Romantic? Not exactly. Memorable? Absolutely.

🎰 October 22 – Las Vegas

We were up before the sun, catching an early flight to Las Vegas on Spirit Airlines. Being overweight at the time, we splurged on the Big Front Seats—worth every penny for the extra space and the illusion of luxury on a budget airline.

Somewhere mid-flight, the desert opened beneath us and I caught my first glimpse of the Grand Canyon—a bucket-list sight I still haven’t properly crossed off, but even from thirty thousand feet, it was breathtaking.

We landed in Vegas to the flashing lights of airport slot machines, because of course that’s the welcome committee. A shuttle dropped us at the our hotel, which looked fine online but in person… let’s just say “five-star experience” wasn’t in the cards. 💀

Trying to shake off the grime, we grabbed an Uber to Mandalay Bay to visit the Shark Reef Aquarium, then boarded a tour bus to Red Rock Canyon. It was beautiful—and scorching. At one point, I got stung by something, a reminder that the desert doesn’t care about your honeymoon glow.

Back at Mandalay Bay, we found a buffet in one of the connecting hotels, ate like dehydrated royalty, and then hit Avengers S.T.A.T.I.O.N., because if there’s a Marvel exhibit within a ten-mile radius, we’re going.

That night, we walked the Strip—the Eiffel Tower, the Bellagio Fountains, all that glittering chaos—and caught the Sirens of TI show outside Treasure Island. Fire, fog, and women in seashell bras battling pirates? Peak Vegas absurdity.

In a burst of misguided optimism, we decided to walk to the High Roller Ferris Wheel afterward. We ended up down a few sketchy back alleys trying to find the entrance, laughing but also mentally mapping our escape routes.

By the time we made it back to the hotel, we were exhausted, sunburned, and buzzing from sensory overload. Vegas had given us everything it promised—heat, chaos, and a memory we’d never forget.

🌲 October 23 – Portland

We caught an early morning Spirit Airlines flight to Portland, Oregon, trading the neon chaos of Vegas for pine trees and mist. In hindsight, I wish we’d spent this day in Seattle—but at least Portland gave us a pause, a breath before the next leg of the adventure.

Our original plan was to hit the Oregon Zoo, but the moment we checked into the hotel, I died. Not literally—just the kind of exhaustion that knocks you flat after too many early flights and too much motion.

The shuttle driver who picked us up from the airport was chatty and kind. We told her Portland reminded us of Michigan—same explosion of color in the trees, just with mountains standing guard. She laughed and said she couldn’t imagine living anywhere flat.

By the time we reached the hotel, my body gave out. I collapsed into a nap, woke up groggy, and ordered pizza (they still send me coupons, which feels both sweet and slightly haunting).

Eventually, we rallied and made it to Rocky Butte, a volcanic cinder cone that overlooks Portland. At its peak sits Joseph Wood Hill Park, framed by stone walls and sweeping views of the city below. From there, we could see Mount Hood rising sharp and snow-capped, with Mount St. Helens hovering faintly in the distance. The view was unreal—like a painting come to life under a pink-gold sky.

By then, everything else was closing, so we headed back to the hotel, packed for the long stretch ahead, and let the quiet settle in. It wasn’t an exciting day, but it was the one our bodies needed.

✈️ October 24 – The Flight to Paradise

We boarded another early morning flight, this time first class on Delta Airlines. The crew gifted us a bottle of wine to celebrate our honeymoon.

We had a brief layover in Seattle, where we caught a glimpse of the Space Needle as we sprinted across the airport to make our connection. (I, of course, made a Facebook post about being “Sleepless in Seattle.”)

The flight from Seattle to Honolulu was long—about six hours—and a little unsettling once all you could see out the window was endless blue. It was also the first flight where I actually paid attention to the water landing instructions.

Onboard, we were spoiled with bottomless mimosas and another bottle of wine from the flight attendants.

When we landed in Honolulu, the mimosas caught up to me—I was a little wobbly but still managed to navigate the airport and find our shuttle.

For the next five nights, our home was Disney’s Aulani Resort. That first day, we didn’t do much beyond checking in, running to the grocery store for distilled water for my ex-husband’s CPAP, and grabbing a few snacks. Everything was shockingly expensive, but our Uber driver—a local college kid—ended up both dropping us off and picking us back up later, so at least we had a friendly face in paradise.

That night, though, I noticed a raw, painful spot under my arm. It itched like crazy, but I chalked it up to irritation from travel. Spoiler alert—it wasn’t. Within a day, it had spread, and I’d later find out it was a staph infection I’d likely picked up back in Vegas. A true honeymoon souvenir. 🫠

🎃 October 25 – Pumpkins & Paradise

We started the morning with breakfast at Makahiki, Aulani’s lively character dining restaurant where Mickey and friends made their rounds, posing for photos and dancing between tables.

After breakfast, we joined the pumpkin carving event with Donald Duck. We ended up being the last ones there because we were taking our time. All the pumpkins were entered into a contest, but we didn’t win. Part of my pumpkin’s eye fell off, but one of the cast members came to the rescue with a toothpick so I could pin it back in place.

On our itinerary, we had Rainbow Reef and an instructor-guided photo tour, but we were completely beat. Instead, we floated along the lazy river, let the current pull us under bridges and through waterfalls, then ended the day soaking in the hot tub overlooking the ocean as the sun set.

🏴‍☠️ October 26 – Pirates & Polynesia

Our Aulani package included a rental car for one day, and we planned to make the most of it. We drove into downtown Honolulu and boarded a pirate ship called Treasure Seeker for a mid-morning sail. It wasn’t your typical honeymoon cruise—we had sword fights, blasted water cannons at passing boats, locked ourselves in the stockade for photo ops, and laughed like kids the entire time.

Afterward, we crossed to the other side of the island to visit the Polynesian Cultural Center, an immersive open-air museum celebrating the islands of the Pacific. Each village represented a different Polynesian culture—Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Tahiti, Aotearoa (New Zealand), and, of course, Hawaiʻi—with demonstrations of traditional music, fire-making, and dance.

I’m a Michigander through and through, which means I’m used to flying down freeways at 80–90 mph. Oʻahu’s 65 mph speed limit was driving me nuts—until we hit the winding mountain roads in a downpour. Then it felt way too fast. 😂

It was the only day it rained, and we were wildly unprepared. We bought overpriced ponchos and carried on, soggy but happy. The lush greenery made it impossible to stay grumpy.

That evening, we stayed for the Hā: Breath of Life Show, a spectacular blend of storytelling, dance, and fire that tells the life journey of a Polynesian man from childhood to adulthood. It was emotional, intense, and absolutely beautiful—a performance that sticks with you long after the torches go out.

By the time we returned to Aulani, we were drenched, exhausted, and completely in love with the island’s rhythm.

🌺 October 27 – The Majestic Island Circle Tour

The next morning, we joined the Majestic Circle Island Tour, a full-day journey looping around Oʻahu’s most breathtaking sights. Our guide was hilarious—he reminded me of one of my old LCC professors. He cracked jokes the entire way, warning us that “Ca-cooey makes you pa-pooey” (his memorable coconut PSA) and making us recite Hawaiʻi’s state fish, Humu humu nuku nuku apuaʻa, which means “the fish who snorts like a pig.”

Our first stop was the Hanauma Bay Nature Preserve, a protected marine sanctuary formed within a volcanic cone. Even from above, the turquoise water shimmered like glass, and we could see snorkelers gliding over coral reefs below. From there, we drove to the Halona Blowhole Lookout, where waves crashed through lava rock and shot high into the air like geysers. In the distance, Diamond Head framed the skyline like a crown. Our next stop was Makapuʻu Point Lookout, where the red-roofed lighthouse perched proudly atop the cliffs, watching over the endless stretch of blue

Next, we climbed up to Nuʻuanu Pali Lookout, where the wind nearly knocked us sideways. The view of the Koʻolau cliffs was worth it—lush, layered, and steeped in history. Our guide explained how this was where King Kamehameha I united the Hawaiian Islands after a brutal battle that ended with warriors driven off those cliffs.

We continued on to the peaceful Byodo-In Temple, a replica of a centuries-old Buddhist temple in Japan. The deep toll of the peace bell echoed through the valley while koi swirled lazily beneath the bridge.

We skipped one of the scheduled beach stops because a movie was filming there—just another day in Hawaiʻi. Later, at Waimea Valley, we followed the lush trail to the waterfall. We hadn’t brought our swimsuits, so we wandered back down instead—and accidentally stumbled onto what was clearly the packed-up set of Jumanji. A lone security guard caught us taking photos, sighed, and made me delete them all (or so he thought).

We stopped at a shrimp shack on the North Shore—probably Giovanni’s, judging by the graffiti-covered truck—and then at a roadside macadamia nut farm, where I picked out a custom-carved tiki head that I still have today.

Our final stop was the Dole Plantation, where we savored creamy Dole Whip and wandered through the pineapple garden. I posed inside their pineapple stand and couldn’t resist quoting Arrested Development: “There’s always money in the pineapple stand!”

When we returned to Aulani, we changed into our pirate costumes for Aulani’s Halloween celebration. Surrounded by families dressed as princesses, villains, and ghosts, we joined in the fun—we were pirates, arr! 🏴‍☠️

⚓ October 28 – Pearl Harbor Remembered

Our final full day in Hawaiʻi was one my ex-husband had been looking forward to the most—the Pearl Harbor Remembered Tour from Ko Olina. And to his credit, he was a total trooper. The night before, we’d been playing Pokémon Go in our room when we spotted a Pokémon we didn’t have yet. I grabbed both of our phones and sprinted down the hall to catch it. When I came back, I realized I didn’t have the key to our room. I knocked—nothing. Knocked again—still nothing. When he finally answered, he was on the floor. Turns out, he’d sneezed while I was gone and completely threw his back out. 🙈

Even so, he crawled out of bed the next morning, determined not to miss the one thing he’d been most excited for.

We began the day at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific, nestled inside Punchbowl Crater. The quiet beauty of the place was sobering—rows of white markers standing like sentinels, framed by sweeping views of Honolulu. From there, we continued to the Pearl Harbor National Memorial, where history still hums in the air.

Standing above the USS Arizona Memorial was haunting. The wreck rests just beneath the water, still seeping tiny oil drops that shimmer on the surface like ghostly rainbows—known as the “tears of the Arizona.” There are still bodies trapped within the ship, entombed where they fell. Our guide told us that surviving crew members sometimes request that their ashes be placed within the wreckage, to join their brothers in their final resting place. He added softly, “Hopefully someday, someone will find a way to safely remove the oil—and finally free them all.”

Next, we boarded the USS Missouri, affectionately called the “Mighty Mo.” It’s where Japan officially surrendered to end World War II, and the energy there felt vastly different—somber, but full of relief and resilience. We wandered the decks and peered into the cramped bunks, imagining what it must’ve felt like to live aboard during wartime.

We were late getting back to the bus because we couldn’t resist stopping for shaved ice—basically snow cones turned art form—and they were worth it. Our driver didn’t even seem mad; I think he got it.

When we got back to Aulani, we spent the evening at the Laniwai Spa, Disney’s on-site oasis. What we didn’t realize until after the fact was that access to the outdoor hydrotherapy garden lasted all day. If we’d known, we would’ve scheduled that on a day where we could have soaked from sunrise to sunset.

During my massage, my therapist told me I had “hula girl hair.” After a week of humidity, saltwater, and wind, I decided to take that as high praise.

We ended the night with room service, finally collapsing into bed while the sounds of the ocean lulled us toward sleep.

🌴 October 29 – Los Angeles Layover

The next morning, we said goodbye to Hawaiʻi and boarded our Delta flight to Los Angeles. We left the islands sun-kissed, exhausted, and carrying two unopened bottles of honeymoon wine that we never got around to drinking. Since we didn’t check any bags, we left them behind for our housekeeper—hopefully she put them to better use than we would have mid-flight.

After landing in Los Angeles, reality hit fast. Our hotel required a $200 hold on my card, which just so happened to be the last of our money. This was before the era of Venmo, Cash App, or PayPal transfers between friends, and it was a Sunday—meaning banks were closed. So, naturally, we went full 2000s mode and had my mom wire us money through Western Union.

Our Uber driver who took us to get the cash was straight out of a movie. A former New York taxi driver, he was half hanging out the window yelling at other cars the entire ride, gesturing wildly with one hand while swerving with the other. I’ve never clutched my seatbelt so tightly in my life.

We ended up at a Rite Aid (or maybe it was a Walgreens—at that point, it was all a blur) in what can only be described as the sketchiest part of town. After a series of hiccups and long sighs, we finally got the cash in hand and decided to make the most of the night.

We took another Uber to Santa Monica Pier, because if you’re stranded in L.A. with nothing but cash and chaos, you might as well make it cinematic. We ate dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp, keeping with our Chicago tradition. (We have a photo next to the Beginning of Route 66 sign in Chicago, so of course we had to pose with the End of Route 66 sign here.)

We wandered down the pier after dinner, watching the lights from the carnival rides shimmer against the water. The air smelled like salt and fried dough. Street musicians played under the glow of string lights, and for a brief moment, everything felt peaceful again.

We found an abandoned aquarium tucked under the pier—quiet, eerie, and oddly fitting for the end of our whirlwind trip. The only thing left was figuring out how to get back. Finding an Uber driver willing to pick us up near the pier was its own side quest. After a few cancellations, we walked a few blocks away before someone finally agreed to take us back to our hotel.

✈️ October 30 – The Journey Home

We woke up early for our flight back to Chicago—this time on Spirit Airlines, closing the loop on our whirlwind tour from the Midwest to the Pacific and back again. By this point, we were sunburned, sore, and running on fumes. To make matters worse, I’d started feeling sick, and the pressure from the flight made my ear feel like it was going to explode. Not exactly the glamorous return I’d imagined.

My ex–father-in-law and ex–step–mother-in-law were kind enough to drive in to pick us up. They parked their truck at the airport, took the train into Chicago for the day, then came back later that afternoon to collect our tired, disheveled selves.

For a while, the drive home was peaceful—quiet, calm, the kind of silence that comes after ten days of nonstop motion. My ex-husband’s back had finally started to feel better…until fate (and traffic) intervened. We passed a car accident on the freeway, and my ex–father-in-law couldn’t resist rubbernecking. When he looked back at the road, he slammed on the brakes. My ex-husband went flying into the back of the seat, undoing all his healing progress in a single thud.

He’d originally requested October 31 off using his annual leave, but after we finalized our travel plans, he gave the day back since we’d be home in time. Because of the accident, though, he called in the next day and used sick leave instead. HR didn’t take kindly to that—they thought he was trying to game the system by swapping annual for sick—and he was disciplined for it. Welcome home to us.

Our honeymoon didn’t look like a fairy tale—it was messy, loud, and full of wrong turns—but somewhere between the pirate ships, pineapples, and plane rides, we really did find our zing. It wasn’t forever, but for a little while, it was magic…our own perfectly imperfect version of Ha-wi-wi. 🖤