The Ghost of the Girl I Used to Be

That girl in the photo? She’s a stranger to me now.

She was in her first year of homeownership and her first “grown-up” job. Working on her bachelor’s degree. Juggling a goofy dog and an even goofier fiancé. She battled her own demons, sure, but she still had a lightness to her—a belief that she was on track.

She wasn’t perfect. She thought a little too highly of herself sometimes, but only because she was proud. Because she finally felt like she was becoming someone.

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The Things She Couldn’t See Coming

She had no idea that ten years later, she’d be twice divorced. Twice bankrupt.
That she’d have the two little girls she always dreamed of—though her “Eleanor Ann” would become an Arabella Maeve, and her second would surprise her in all the best ways.

But those girls wouldn’t have the life she pictured for them. That loss still guts her every single day.

She pictured gender reveals surrounded by laughter.
Baby showers with friends and family.
Birthday parties with cousins running wild in the yard.

Instead, she built something quieter. Smaller. But real.

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The Breaking Point

She finally reached her goal weight—every pound hard-earned—and still wrestles with the kind of body image no number can fix.

She lived in Traverse City for a year—her dream city.
The place that ended up breaking her.
She drained her 401(k) trying to rebuild the pieces of a life that kept crumbling.

And still, she survived it.

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The Woman Standing Here Now

She’s not the same woman who beamed in that picture. Not even close. But maybe that’s the point.

Back then, she thought “strength” meant having it all together. Now she knows it’s crawling through the wreckage and still choosing to rebuild.

She’s softer now—but sharper too. She knows the cost of peace, and she pays it in boundaries. She laughs less loudly but more honestly. She dreams smaller, but she means it more.

She still misses the girl in that photo sometimes. But she doesn’t want to be her again.

Because the woman standing here now? She’s real.
And that was the goal all along.